Dust in the Wind
by enigma-kar
Summary: In the end it's Dean who dies first. And this time, there's no coming back.


**Disclaimer: **Supernatural belongs to Eric Kripke, Dust in the Wind belongs to Kansas and the line Castiel say belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien

_And now that the "Hellatus" is nearly finally over, I bring all my fellow Supernatural fans this. Apologies/warnings for all the tragedy and angst. But please enjoy and leave a review. :)_

* * *

**Dust in the Wind**

In the end it's Dean who dies first.

And it's so final that, this time, they know there is no coming back. But Sam's acceptance doesn't come immediately.

It's not a silent death, not by a long way. Dean's gone out how he'd always wanted to and joked about: fighting. It's a way that would make their parents proud. It should make Sam proud too. But he can't. Not now, not yet. And it doesn't make it any easier. Not for Sam.

He's never really been one for hiding his feelings. After all, Sam's been through this before, so many times. So when the hot tears come, welling in his eyes and cascading down his face, he doesn't even notice them.

And then the anger comes; boiling up to push back his wails of pain and stinging tears. For days he screams in fury and despair at the silent sky. For days he demands someone bring him back. It's been done before, so why not now? Why can't he have his brother back?

Sam doesn't sleep. He can't.

He pours over books and internet sites. There has to be something. There needs to be something he can do.

When Castiel finally appears, he is stonily silent. Sam is angry and the angel takes the abuse without word. It is only when fresh tears begin to spill from Sam's tired eyes that Castiel moves and bows his head.

Sam's howls of denial and grief seem to echo for miles around.

"Sam," Castiel begins, his deep voice soft. "Dean's -"

"NO!" And Sam doesn't care how petulant and harsh he sounds. He can't hear this. Not now...

Then, like someone has flicked a switch, Sam collapses, sobs wracking his body once more. Desperately he kneels, clinging onto the tails of Castiel's trench coat, hiding his face but unable to stop his shuddering breaths.

He asks why; needing to know how and why this was allowed to happen.

But Castiel has no answer. Dean's death isn't something that can be reversed. Not this time. Gently, he reaches down to caress and stroke Sam's head in comfort. "I'm sorry, Sam. There's nothing... and I can't. Not this time. You know that."

"It's not fair."

"I know," Castiel whispers back.

And if Sam had the strength to look up then, he would have seen the lone tear that fell down the angel's cheek.

~ *XX* ~

With raw, dry eyes, Sam watches as the flames flicker and crackle.

He has accepted it now. Dean isn't coming back. The tears stopped coming days ago, leaving a strange kind of numbness behind.

He doesn't know how long it's been. He vaguely remembers conversations with Bobby and Lisa and Ben. But Sam cannot remember what was said. And he doesn't care anymore.

He is home now and they are not here with him. In many ways, Sam is grateful for the solitude. His grief is still too unbearable and the numbness cannot erase it all.

He doesn't flinch, however, when a hand appears on his shoulder.

Sam doesn't question Castiel's being there. He knows of the bond the angel shared with his brother and he knows how close they were...

Were... The past tense reference rips harshly through him, twisting his stomach and heart so cruelly. Sam's not sure if he'll ever get used to it. And if it weren't for Castiel's hand on his shoulder, he would have collapsed again.

"Sam-"

"Don't." Sam still doesn't want to hear it. He doesn't want any more apologies or condolences from Castiel. And he certainly doesn't want to know where Dean is now and how happy he is in paradise with his parents. The thought alone brings up bile and he feels sick.

Thickly, he swallows. They've all left him now.

Castiel pauses, ever so slightly, accepting Sam's wishes. "I'll speak no comfort to you, for there is no comfort for such pain within the circles of the world." His voice breaks and his hand tightens on Sam's shoulder. They are the only signs that the angel is falling apart and hurting almost as much as Sam is.

The night continues in silence. The occasional pop and splutter of the fire is even swallowed up in the heavy quiet. Every now and again, the wind blows in a different direction and they are engulfed in smoke that stings at their eyes and burns their throats. Neither angel nor man makes the effort to move and they take the pain wordlessly.

Castiel stays and they don't move until the flames before them have dwindled to coals and ashes. It's nearly dawn with the first signs of light appearing, when a few thin wisps of smoke is all that rises in front of them.

When Castiel leaves, he goes in silence; the whisper and rustle of his wings, unusually absent. Sam doesn't even pause to consider where he has gone. He already knows and he's slightly envious.

The first sliver of sun appears from behind the horizon not long after Castiel goes. A bird gives a lamenting call to the new light and it's so emotively beautiful that Sam has to swallow another lump in his throat.

It's then that the lyrics come to Sam. And he realises how hauntingly poetic and fitting they are.

Kansas. It's home.

It's where Dean's story began and it's where it's ending. It will be the same for Sam, too. And it's Kansas lyrics that come to him now.

Sam closes his eyes and lifts his head, allowing the breeze to sweep his hair back. Softly he speaks.

"Dust in the wind. All we are is dust in the wind..."

* * *

Dust in the Wind - Kansas

_I __close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment's gone__  
__All my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity  
__  
__Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind  
__  
__Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea__  
__All we do, crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see_

_Dust in the wind, All we are is dust in the wind_

_Don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky__  
__It slips away, and all your money won't another minute buy_

_Dust in the wind, All we are is dust in the wind__  
__Dust in the wind, Everything is dust in the wind._


End file.
